Forgiveness
by Cherry chain
Summary: She gives what he doesn't deserve


It had been agonizing watching Estelle under Alexei's control. A tool, a puppet, with no will of her own. Being used and thrown away. It had been as Schwann's life but Schwann had chosen servitude. Estelle had been given no choice, not to do the former Commandant's bidding and certainly not to attack her friends.

Unlike him.

When they had finally broken her free, Raven had barely been able to stand. He had been useless in bringing Estelle back to safety, simply immobilized by a pain in his Blastia Heart and a weakness that permeated every limb. He was tired, worn down both physically and mentally that he could do nothing but watch the scene unfold helplessly.

He had avoided her during their trip back down to the castle, too ashamed to look her in the eyes after what he had done. Lied to and tricked her, handed her over to a traumatizing experience he wouldn't have wished upon anyone.

"Please, before I hurt anyone else…kill me."

When Damuron had once uttered that same request it had been purely selfish, thinking of nothing but ending his own pain. But she…

Raven didn't want to face her but he found himself hovering just outside her room for many long agonizing minutes, telling himself that he should leave. That he should run and hide so that he never have to see the hurt in her eyes, broken by the world he had thrust her into. He wanted to run, but instead found himself knocking on her door.

He can't run from her, _from this_.

"Estelle…?" Raven cracked the door open slowly, cautiously, before finally setting foot into the spare room where she was resting. She was clearly exhausted from recent events, but was apparently unable to find sleep. Understandable, after her ordeal. She sat at the table, head rested above her folded arms as she watched him enter, a weak unsure smile gracing her face. Then she sat upright, her eyes crinkling with worry.

"Raven! Are you okay? You looked hurt…"

Her words stopped him dead in his tracks as she got to her feet, making uncertain steps towards him. While he could read the lines of tension in her muscles and the fear in her stance, she chose not to voice her mistrust and instead showed her concern for him. Because while she had been hurt and desperate and broken from the ordeal Raven had put her in, she had still noticed his pain.

He wanted to weep. He didn't deserve this.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out before any other thought could take hold, the two words desperately taking form. It was the only thing he could say before he was locked back in place by her mournful gaze. A torrent of excuses and explanations rushed to his throat but refused to go any farther, leaving his mouth empty and dry, filled with nothing but choked silence.

He looked away from her. Raven hadn't even noticed that his gaze had turned to the floor until he was jolted back to alertness by the feeling of fingers slipping between his. Estelle brought his hands together and cupped her own over them. His attention followed that up her arms back to her eyes and face; she wore a tired smile, but a genuine one that seemed to light up the entire room. As if the world was warmer, softer, less cruel than it was.

"I know."

Those two gentle words opened a floodgate and suddenly he was stumbling over himself, trying to explain because she didn't understand. The words tumbled out in a rush, desperate to make sure that she knew. He couldn't continue living this lie, and he couldn't keep lying to her and all he needed was for her to know the truth, to see the truth. She deserved more than just his mask.

"I _betrayed_ you. I lied and manipulated and this was my fault. I caused you all that pain and nearly your death. I helped Alexei, I almost killed your friends—"

Blue-green eyes opened in shock, his words cut off with a muffled gasp of surprise as he was pulled forward, thin strong arms embracing him, holding him. Comforting him as she spoke, her voice quiet, sincere.

" _I know_ ," she repeated firmly, and he realized that she was shaking. Scared, still recovering from the events of the last few horrifying weeks.

He was suddenly brought back to ten years ago, remembered seeing a young girl whose eyes were still red and puffy from crying after losing her father. Rememberef that girl seeing him, asking who he was, being told that the knight before her was the sole survivor of the war. How she had straightened up, smiled, approached him and told him that everything was going to be okay. That the people he lost were just waiting for him somewhere else and that he'll see them again. A little, grieving child, the Princess, who cared enough to comfort _him_.

How could he have ever seen her as a weak little princess?

"What you did— it wasn't right and I don't understand. But you came back for me. You fought for me. You cared enough to come to me and…" There were tears in her voice and she cried freely, hiding nothing, letting out all the fear and pain she endured since she had fallen into Alexei's grasp. Betrayed by two men that she had trusted, men who had been some of the only friends she had growing up. Her joy that she hadn't lost both of them.

"I forgive you."

He couldn't take it. Raven held back a sob that made his entire body shake before he finally cracked, spilling his own emotions in quiet tears. The resignation, the conflict, the confusing tug of loyalties. The sudden fear as he realized he was throwing away everything when he thought that he had nothing. She was too good for him, and he didn't deserve this, but those three words were words he sorely needed.

A weight was lifted from his shoulders, and he was set free.

She led him to the table, guiding him down onto the chair while she took her seat on the adjacent bed. Her cheeks were still wet but she was smiling, the joy reaching the edge of her eyes. He hastily dried his own face with his sleeves, doing little with his clothes dirty and bloodied as they were.

"You used to tell me stories about your travels." As Schwann, he had rarely refused her requests to hear his tales when he was present in the castle. "Do you think you can do that for me again, one more time? Tell me what happened."

So he did. He held nothing back, explaining the war and his heart, his service to Alexei and his life as two different people. He told her about Baction, about how he tried to kill the party but had a change of heart in the end. Of being freed from the ruins by his brigade, his decision to join Yuri and the others, to save her. She stayed quiet the entire time, allowing him to say his peace.

"…and that's…that's when they freed you. I couldn't move, all that aer was too much for my heart and this body to handle…" he finally finished, forcing himself to look at her in the eye. Estelle didn't say anything, deep in thought as she processed it all and he waited anxiously to see her reaction. Finally she gave a small satisfied nod.

"There's one thing you have to let me do, since everyone else got to."

"Eh?"

He blinked and the next thing he knew a fist smacked down solidly on the top of the head. He ducked, clutching at the newly sore area among a sea of aches and battle pains.

"OW!" He yelped and Estelle gave a triumphant grin. The girl packed quite a punch.

"And now we're even."

He couldn't help it; he burst out laughing, because somehow even after everything, all the turmoil and emotional chaos the both of them had been put through, she still knew exactly what to do and say. A sparkle lit her eyes when she saw that the other had been successfully cheered up and Raven returned her grin.

"Aw, look at ya, pickin' on a poor defenseless old man. I'm not gonna have a head left if I stay around you kids."

"Well then, you better get away and get some rest then."

He was on his feet then, his heart swelling with gratitude with no way of expressing it. His next step, his future, it was all still so muddied and confusing but with this, maybe, just maybe, he would have something to move forward with.

"As you wish, my lady."


End file.
